29 May 2005

"Hold A Chicken In The Air, Stick A Deckchair Up Your Nose..."

"NEW! Non Compact Mono Recording". The 12 Hour Version - featuring the Wet Gits! The Chicken Song from Spitting Image was a scathing spoof of several chart records of (then) recent years (anybody for Agadoo?).

The Chicken Song was a 1986 No 1 - deservedly.
All together now...

It's the time of year
Now that spring is in the air
When those two wet gits
With the girly curly hair
Make another song for moronic holidays
That nauseate-ate-ate-ates
In a million different ways
From the shores of Spain
To the coast of southern France
No matter where you hide
You just can't escape this dance...

Hold a chicken in the air
Stick a deckchair up your nose
Buy a jumbo jet
And then bury all your clothes
Paint your left knee green
Then extract your wisdom teeth
Form a string quartet
And pretend your name is Keith

Skin yourself alive
Learn to speak Arapahoe
Climb inside a dog
And behead an Eskimo
Eat a Renault Four
Wear salami in your ears
Casserole your gran
Disembowel yourself with spears

The disco is vibrating
The sound is loud and grating
It's truly nauseating
Let's do the dance again...

Hold a chicken in the air
Stick a deckchair up your nose
Yes you'll hear this song
In the holiday discos
And there's no escape
In the clubs or in the bars
You would hear this song
If you holidayed in Mars

Skin yourself alive
Learn to speak Arapahoe
Climb inside a dog
And behead an Eskimo
Now you've heard it once
Your brain will spring a leak
And tho' you hate this song
You'll be humming it for weeks...

Another goody from the 1986 charts - it's our old mates Chas n' Dave n' the Matchroom Mob...

Snooker loopy nuts are we, me and him and them and me, we'll show you what we can do with a load of balls and a snooker cue...

Here's Su Pollard, good old Peggy from Hi-De-Hi!, charting in February 1986 with Starting Together, the theme to the BBC's documentary (I don't recall us using the term "docusoap" back then) The Marriage.

Nick Kamen strode into a launderette, got his kecks off, and set hearts fluttering. Then he hit the pop charts...

"Wow!!" went just about all the nation's girlies. And a lot of the fellas too, I shouldn't wonder.

"Break my heart, don't break my heart, break my heart, don't break my heart..."

Nick aided men's health no end: for years, medical types had been warning us geezers that our increasingly skimpy briefs did our fertility no good at all. We had not absorbed the message by the early 1980s (see here). But Nick's wearing of those staggeringly wonderful, brilliantly roomy, startingly attractive boxer shorts in the jeans ads helped to propel that style of male knickers to the centre of the style universe. Or somewhere near it. In the late 1980s, boxers were increasingly being seen as a very lovely thing indeed. Even Sinitta liked her toyboy to wear them. See here for more.

Personally, I wouldn't be seen dead in 'em. I'll never be a style icon.