Life in 1986 - A Few Magazine Ads - Hugo Boss, Cars For Rent, Puma, Just Juice And Stella Artois...

Fashion 1986 - the deelyboppers of a couple of years before had mysteriously disappeared...

Cars for rent... the Toyota MR2, Ford Escort RS Turbo, or the Ford Escort 1.6i Cabriolet - £59.40 a day or £356 a week?! The Lamborghini Countach QV or Ferrari Testarossa - £436.50 per day or £2,619.00 per week?!!!

Incredible...

Martina Navratilova and Boris Becker - "Puma" written all over them. I'll never forget seventeen-year-old Boris's win at Wimbledon in 1985. Probably the most thrilling Wimbledon I ever saw.

"No additives, no mess, no fuss - just juice!"

An advertisement for Just Juice featured in The Field Story Of Wimbledon, a 1986 magazine published to celebrate 100 years of championships at the All England Club. Wimbledon actually celebrated its centenary in 1977, but the 100th championships were not played until 1986 because of years missed during the two world wars.

Do you remember the 1980s Just Juice advertising jingle on the telly? "No pips, no additives, no preservatives, just juice..." Some days that jingle went round and round in my head from morning till night!

More liquid refreshment - this time lager at "La Brasserie" - very posh indeed. In fact, posh to the max, darlin'...

"Reassuringly expensive" - sounds barking, doesn't it? But it made perfect sense back in those 1980s days of yuppiedom - yer pays for quality yer see!

I loved a few pints of Stella Artois. It was pricey, but got me... er... muddled and jolly quicker. In fact it got me muddled and jolly very quickly. And lively too. We used to call it 'rocket fuel'!

1988: The End Of The Reagan Era...

On 9th November 1988, American Vice President George Bush beat Democrat Michael Dukakis to become President of the United States. Over here, Channel Four marked the end of the Reagan era by showing four of his films - Bedtime For Bonzo, Desperate Journey and Dark Victory.

Click on the TV Times listing above for more details.

From the Sun, November 18, 1988:

Ronald Reagan danced the last waltz with Mrs Thatcher at an emotional farewell at the Whitehouse.

The world leaders brought down the curtain on their eight-year partnership by sweeping around the ballroom to the sounds of "Hello Dolly".

Husband Denis followed with First Lady Nancy Reagan, applauded by a galaxy of political, literary and showbiz stars.

Mrs Thatcher was visibly moved as President Reagan paid her yet another tribute in the after-dinner toasts.

"We love her," he said.

Nancy confessed: "I was feeling very sentimental and nostalgic and got a little teary during Mrs Thatcher's toast to my husband."

Mrs Thatcher said afterwards: "It was a very emotional moment."

The President yesterday backed incoming President George Bush, who takes over in January, and urged America to give him time to slash the nation's £150 billion budget deficit.

Bullseye

In 1981 Bullseye arrived, and in this post you'll find a couple of pics of Jim Bowen and Bully - super, smashing, great!

The pics are actually slightly later than 1981 - as the Central TV logo on them proves - 1981 was the final year of ATV, and Bullseye began as an ATV show.

This review from the Daily Mirror, 3 October, 1981, is not exactly filled with praise for the show...

Contestants on "Bullseye", the downbeat darts quiz from ATV, seem to have been picked out for punishment - and I don't mean having to meet Jim Bowen, the gloomy-faced host.

Of the three couples who played on Monday, two went home empty handed. One of them - the chap was unemployed - had to give back the meagre cash sum Jim had dispensed.

Worse still, at the end of the show they had to go to the back of the stage to study the star prize, a car, they had just failed to win.

The reviewer did not share the taste of the viewing public on this occasion - because we adored Bullseye and it soon became one of our top quiz shows.

Odd to think that Bullseye was once broadcast on a Monday - it was in the Sunday teatime slot that the show became a legend, complete with Jim's daft sayings, Bully's Special Prize and the infamous "Look at what you could've won!" bits.

A lot of people I know loved Bullseye. Must say, I was absolutely hooked myself - from the atmospheric opening music with that gorgeous pub piano to "Look at what you could've won!" - it was required viewing for me for many years!

These bendy Bullys are now quite collectable.

Presenter Jim Bowen, back for series two...

Sunday Mirror, 10 October 1982 - Bullseye is back for another series - and has now moved to its familiar Sunday teatime slot!

Series creator Andrew Wood had spent months studying game shows from around the world before the Bullseye format was born in 1980. He wrote:

I was convinced that the written format was at the heart of the show and it would be the base on which the show would be built. The format had to be strong, one which could stand the test of time, whilst being both practical and affordable and it would place the contestants at the heart of the show and the host would be the conductor, leading the way. And thus in 1980 the Bullseye format was born, going on to achieve not just unparalleled success, but it would become one of the most treasured and loved shows on British television.

Recently saw some vintage Bully on Satellite telly. You still can't beat it.

The Apple Macintosh - Why 1984 Wasn't Like '1984'

1984 - Side-stepping Orwell's version - exciting times...

The new Apple Macintosh came with a computer mouse. The first commercial system sold with a mouse, the Xerox 8010 Information System in 1981, had a purchase price of over $20,000! The Apple Mac was an exciting piece of computer kit which cost much less.

The original 1984 Macintosh blurb...

Introducing Macintosh

In the olden days, before 1984, not very many people used computers - for a very good reason.    

Not very many people knew how.

And not very many people wanted to learn.

After all, in those days it meant listening to your stomach growl in computer seminars. Falling asleep over computer manuals. And staying awake nights to memorize commands so complicated you'd have to be a computer to understand them.

Then, on a particularly bright day in California, some particularly bright engineers had a brilliant idea: since computers are so smart, wouldn't it make sense to teach computers about people, instead of teaching people about computers?

So it was that those very engineers worked long days and late nights - teaching tiny silicon chips all about people. How they make mistakes and change their minds. How they label their file folders and save old telephone numbers. How they labor for their livelihoods. And doodle in their spare time.

For the first time in recorded computer history, hardware engineers actually talked to software engineers in a moderate tone of voice. And both became united by a common goal to build the most powerful, most transportable, most flexible, most versatile computer not-very-much-money could buy.

And when the engineers were finally finished, they introduced us to a personal computer so personable it can practically shake hands.

And so easy to use, most people already know how.

They didn't call it the QZ190, or the Zpchip 5000.

They called it Macintosh.

'Ere, that's not a mouse - they go "eek, eek" and run up your trouser leg!

An advertisement from the "Cambridge Evening News" (England), May 1985. 

Actually, while 1984 wasn't like Orwell's '1984' I sometimes think the present day is rather.

1985: A Glimpse of The Sun... AIDS - 'The Wrath Of God' And 'Bongo Bongo Bust-Up'...

From this 1985 Sun front page, we learn that a vicar had just declared AIDS "the wrath of God"- against gay men (the paper was happy to describe it as "the gay plague") - and Unemploy... sorry, I mean Employment Minister Alan Clark was trying to qualify for a part in Love Thy Neighbour. Crass git.

Fortunately, he was several years too late for Love Thy Neighbour.

1983: The Wonder Of Stone Cladding...

Stone cladding was so much better than pebble dashing.

So much more elegant.

So much more modern.

So much more aesthetically pleasing.

Well, at least some people thought it was.

1983 - and having your house stone-cladded is becoming desirable. With the dosh floating around and the credit boom of the mid-to-late 1980s, "doin' up the 'ouse" in all sorts of ways became more and more popular. Of course, some people thought it was dead common. And when Jack and Vera Duckworth had it in Coronation Street in 1989 it was the death knell for any trendiness the trend had ever had - well, at least for tiny terraced houses.

But back in 1983, when it was all exciting and new, this particular company offered:

NEW Unique 'Country Cottage' one-piece corner stones with traditional sawn stone finish. A revolutionary building development that eliminates unsightly vulnerable edges, to give you an unbelievably perfect finish - everytime...

So, whether you're a homeowner or in the process of buying your Council house, your home will take on a charming and unique character. If you ever decide to sell, you will probably find that you have added considerably to the value of your property...

Every stone is an object of natural beauty. Mellow Cotswold golds, ruggedly handsome greys, browns and delicate pastel shades are all available...

All that and improved sound proofing, thermal insulation and a thirty year guarantee! I'm just as impressed as Jack and Vera! But then the Coronation Street district was always a bit snobby - and having Emily, Ken and Alec looking down their noses was an everyday hazard in 1989.

BANG! How The 1980s Began... Tabloid Snippets From The First Two Years...

1980 - Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Please... The anthem of that summer. LOVE IT!!!! Listen to it whilst you're reading through this article - it'll help bring that early 1980s vibe flooding back...

"TWO PINTS OF LAGER AND A PACKET OF CRISPS PLEASE!" we all squawked in the summer of 1980. This was thanks to Splodgenessabounds, of course. 

June 24, 1980:

Britain's most outrageous punk group have rocked into the charts with their first single.

The band, Splodgenessabounds, pour out four letter words, show their bare bottoms and break wind on stage.

Their recording of Simon Templar has reached No. 7 only four weeks after its release.

But it is the B-side - a song called Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps, Please - which has caught on with the fans.

The group's founder, lead singer Max Splodge, 21, said in London last night: "Before I take my trousers down and moon, I always take a special powder so that I can break wind effectively."

The only person in the eight-strong band without a bare bottom role is girl singer Baby Greensleeves, 22.

Baby, who sometimes takes her dog Two Pints to the group's concerts, said: "I'd moon as well, but it would take too much time because of the gear I wear."

And what was the song about? Some desperate young lad trying to get served in a packed-out pub. Been there so many times. Mind you, if I'd been a barmaid/bloke, I probably wouldn't have served me either.

Max Splodge, Two Pints... writer and singer, spilled the beans about the song years later:

"One night I rushed into The Crown in Chislehurst waving a pound note, trying to buy two pints of lager and a packet of crisps. The bell rang and the bloke wouldn't serve me. The guys in the band were out of their heads on magic mushrooms and thought this was hysterical. The next day I put down a drum track and bass line and just shouted, 'two pints of lager and a packet of crisps...' Mike Reid played it on Radio 1 and it started selling 17,000 copies a day. No one could believe it. It sold a quarter of a million copies and got to No 7."

Cor, the '80s were starting out dead posh, weren't they? 

 Splodgenessabounds' wonderful 1980 anthem on glorious vinyl, tucked away on the B-side with Michael Smith's Talking Bum.

 1981 - England's burning...

Well, of course, we all remember the Style Decade! The glitzy 1980s! Yuppies! Docklands developments! Big Bang! The Credit Boom! Big hair and shoulder pads!

Ho, ho, weren't they up themselves, mateyboots?

Well, actually, one of the things that fascinates me the most about the 1980s is what a turbulent and contrasting decade it was, and nothing speaks louder about that than the good old tabloid newspapers of the era, those we propped up against the Daddy's Sauce bottle as we read and gronffed down our egg and chips early in the decade, or against the bottle of fancy salad dressing as we read and gronffed down our beautifully prepared Nouvelle Cuisine later on.

Let's continue to trawl through some early 1980s tabloid snippets... no yuppies. No mobile phones. Three TV channels and Top of The Pops on Thursday nights...

In my street, none of the school leavers stayed on to sixth form or had the remotest desire to attend university. Oh no, we wanted out of school, and that was the way it had been for us, the lower working classes, the great unwashed, forever. During the 1980s, this would begin to change, but when I left school it certainly wasn't the case. Unemployment had been a problem for years, and with Thatcher focusing on inflation, the number of jobless folk was accelerating through the roof in the early 1980s. But we poor sods had no thought of "staying on" - and it would not have been financially viable for parents round my district anyway.

No yuppies in the early 1980s, no credit boom... riots, royals, CB radio, New Romantics, Space Invaders, and Rubik's Cube were the new trends popping one by one onto the scene.

One writer referred to "The Swinging Sixties And Savage Seventies". As the 1980s got underway, I wondered if they would be remembered as "The Aggro Eighties"? Actually, there was a lot of aggro THROUGHOUT the 1980s, so perhaps it's a worthy title, but so much else happened in that ten years that there are many others!

Anyway, sit back and continue (hopefully) to enjoy this visit to 1980 and 1981, via the Daily Mirror...

1981 - "There's Going To Be A Rumble Tonight"...The riots... in 1980, there was some trouble, centred around racial tensions, a youth leader commented he'd seen it coming for fifteen years or so. In 1981, inner cities burned and shops were plundered as trouble makers, opportunists, political activists and bored youths joined in.

July 9, 1981:

Hours before the latest explosion of mob violence in North London, the word was passed around: "There's going to be a rumble tonight!"

The news spread rapidly through local pubs, youth clubs and even school playgrounds.

It resulted in a crowd of around 400 youths converging on Wood Green and turning it into a battlefield of looting and rioting.

Yesterday police, community leaders and shopkeepers - who were robbed of thousands of punds' worth of goods - were in no doubt that the mob was well organised.

More than six hours before the eruption, the Daily Mirror was warned that trouble was about to break out.

A man, who refused to give his name, phoned the Mirror to say: "There will be trouble in Wood Green High Road tonight."

The caller explained that he had overheard a group of youths in a North London pub boasting that they were going to "take on the police".

At about the same time, police themselves heard about the impending violence.

This was revealed yesterday to local police Commander Jim Dickenson.

He said: "It was obviously organised by somebody.

"You don't get hundreds of people massing in one place by coincidence."

Haringey Council leader Robin Young also got a tip-off hours before.

He said: "Undoubtedly it was all pre-arranged. The word went round that there was going to be a rumpus."

Youths in orgy of plunder

Moss Side

Shopkeepers were last night counting the cost of mob violence which exploded in Moss Side, Manchester, early yesterday.

Mobs of youths threw petrol bombs, smashed windows and looted shops, leaving a trail of damage estimated at £300,000.

They stoned fireman who were forced to retreat and watch helplessly as two shops were gutted...

In Liverpool, 25 people - the youngest aged eleven - appeared in court following the Toxteth riots.

They were charged with offences ranging from assaults on police to criminal damage. Most of the adults charged were remanded in custody.

Meanwhile, the BBC was apparently giving instructions on Radio 2 on how to make a Molotov cocktail. Good grief!

Wednesday, July 8, 1981: 

A bomb boob on JY show

The BBC blundered yesterday by broadcasting how to make a petrol bomb.

BBC community relations correspondent John Clare, who has been covering the Liverpool riots, described the ingredients of a Molotov cocktail on Jimmy Young's Radio 2 show.

The BBC received a number of complaints and Jimmy made an apology later in his show.

On the same day, a letter published in the Mirror's Public Opinion section asked an interesting question...

As I lived in Toxteth until about two years ago, the riots there are less of a surprise to me than most. It was obvious that the levels of social deprivation I witnessed could not continue without some reaction sooner or later.

I wonder, though, why riots have only broken out now under a Tory Government.

Ted Heath and the Left Wing Mirror were well and truly on Thatcher's case, and Lady Di caused shock amongst traditionalists as Royal Wedding fever raged...

 Thursday, July 2, 1981:

Lady Diana Spencer will NOT promise to obey Charles when they marry on July 29.

She will pledge herself only to "love him, comfort him, honour and keep him, in sickness and in health" at the ceremony at St Paul's Cathedral.

Her decision after talks with Prince Charles and the Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr Robert Runcie, breaks with the tradition followed by Queen, Princess Margaret and Princess Anne.

But it delighted women's libbers like Nell Noell of the Women's Rights Movement.

But Lady Di didn't go far enough for Nell, who said: "I hope she will avoid the humiliation of using her husband's name.

"She should stick to name she was born with and not agree to be called Princess Charles."

Flippin' 'eck! The times were changing, however, quite frankly I couldn't have cared less about the Royal Wedding - and as for Feminism - YUCK! - one-sided, cherry-picked lies aimed at vilifying one half of the human race. Men. I'm in total agreement with Karen Straughan. But what's that at the bottom of the front page? The topless Mary Poppins? Good grief! SURELY NOT?!!!

Eeeek!

Thursday, July 2, 1981:

AT LAST.. this is the moment when sugary British star Julie Andrews loses all her inhibitions and Mary Poppins finally pops out.

Julie plays a fading Mary Poppins-type actress in her new film, SOB, the story of the machinations of the Hollywood film moguls.

She is called on to go topless in a movie to save the studio from going bust.

It's quite a wrench for the poor girl, but finally she is convinced that fans will pack the box offices if she is seen in the bare flesh.

There is another eye-popping scene where she bares her bottom for a quack doctor to inject her with a muscle-relaxant drug so she can pluck up courage to peel off for the cameras.

What did Julie think of her part in the film, directed by husband Blake Edwards? "It gave me quite a kick," she said.

That nice Mary Poppins certainly wouldn't have approved.

I was so shocked, I nearly passed me fags round. 

In other news... Ronald Reagan was elected President of the USA in November 1980. He was shot in 1981, but survived.

Oh well, we'll watch Wimbledon! In 1981, Wimbledon was a bastion of tradition, a far more staid, and in fact downright posh, affair than it is today. The perfect retreat from the stresses of the highly modern early 1980s world.

Oh yeah?!!!!

"You CANNOT be serious!" John McEnroe was making waves as he dragged Wimbledon out of the highly polite "More Tea Vicar?" 1930s and into the brash, "In-Yer-Face" 1980s....

Lady Diana Spencer watched at Wimbledon yesterday as tennis superbrat John McEnroe smashed his way into the final with a volley of abuse.

Lady Diana, a keen tennis fan, was a surprise visitor to Wimbledon. She was given a standard ovation when she arrived in the Royal box.

Then the 14,000-strong crowd watched in amazement as McEnroe made thirteen loud comments to the umpire and shouted obscenities at spectators.

The behaviour on court brought a public warning and penalty point with the possibility of a £5,000 fine.

And twenty minutes after his semi-final victory, over Australia's Rod Frawley, the fiery American was still at it. 

He stormed out of a press conference after calling newsmen "liars" and "trash".

McEnroe's first-set public warning for unsportsmanlike behaviour came when he suddenly bellowed: "I hate umpires. I get screwed by them in this place."

In the final set he lost a penalty point for shouting, "You are a disgrace to mankind."  The umpire took it as an insult, but McEnroe later said he had been talking to himself.

At the press conference McEnroe's first explosion came when he was asked whether the return to New York of his girlfriend, Stacy Margolin, meant they had split up.

The 22-year-old New Yorker shouted: "People like you make me sick. It is none of your business in the first place and the answer is no."

He went on: "You guys are sh*t and trash and I want you to quote me on that."

During McEnroe's outburst Lady Diana's name was mentioned. He suddenly paused and said: "She's a terrific person."

Before sweeping out of the room McEnroe told reporters: "I don't want to waste time on low people like you."

The uproar continued after the star's exit when a fight broke out between two newsmen - a Britain and an American - which sent chairs and microphones flying.

 Phew, feel quite exhausted after this little trip back... Time to go and have a cuppa and a quick play with my ZX 80, I think. More soon...

1983: The Strange Case Of Time Magazine And Margaret Thatcher's Teeth

Originally a sometimes windswept-looking woman with slightly wonky teeth, in the 1980s Margaret Thatcher changed. Her outfits grew smarter. Her hair grew bigger and stiffer. Her teeth grew straighter.

So, what was on earth was America's Time magazine doing ignoring Mrs T's new nicer gnashers in its cover illustration for the 20th June 1983 edition - the edition which featured an article on Mrs T's return to power via the 1983 General Election?

Let the Diary from the Daily Mirror, June 16, 1983, tell the story - tongue in cheek, of course...

How Time drew Maggie's teeth

Maggie Thatcher, with her new ring of confidence, will today give her first interview to a foreign television company since her return to power.

She is doing a programme in London with Barbara Walters for the big United States network ABC.

Miss Walters may well find that Mrs T is a little miffed with the American media at the moment.

For Time magazine, in their issue of June 20, feature her on the cover with her teeth not quite meeting.

This is one gap in Mrs Thatcher's life that has been bridged - by the marvels of cosmetic dentists last year - and she could well feel that Americans should have noticed.


Left: Untimely "Time", June 1983 - Mrs T's gappy pearlies were made perfect in 1982. Right: Mrs T shows a totally happy, absolutely non-gappy smile to the world, after she is elected for a second term in the 1983 General Election.

The Pigging 1980s...

Well, we know it's often referred to as 'The Greed Decade' by the Great and The Priggishly Hypocritical nowadays, but there's no doubt that the 1980s did have a bit of a fixation with pigs. Take a look at the festive porker above. He's on the lid of an embossed tin of lovely fudge I had for a Christmas prezzie in 1988. Kinnerton confectionary made a whole range of 'Who's A Little Piggy then?!' things in 1987 and 1988 (and probably beyond) and below you can see a couple of 1987 egg cups.

Needless to say I guzzled the fudge in a single serving - actually while watching Madge and Harold bickering in Neighbours. I was so intensely involved that before I knew it the tin was empty.

And lovely that fudge was too!

The tin has survived much longer and I now store safety pins, odd buttons and ear plugs in it.

But, on the subject of the '80s and pigs, you don't have to look much further to find more. In that prime porker of a decade, there was something of a drive by UK banks to get kiddies and teenies saving with them, and Nat West came up with the wizard wheeze of a whole family of piggies as collectable ceramic money boxes. Remember Woody? Remember Annabelle? Remember Sir Nathaniel? Of course you do! And all stand mute testament to the 1980s affection for a bit of a swine.

Here's Woody! 'Oink, oink, darlin'!'

And here's old Sir Nathaniel, larding it up on a badge.

It was at Christmas 1988 that, as well as the aforementioned fudge, I ended up with these as prezzies  too. From the same 'friend' who had purveyed the fudge. These very '80s porklets are enjoying themselves thoroughly - with a personal stereo (preferred listening probably 'Pig In Japan'), gym weights ('fit for business, fit for life') and a luxury holiday (complete with binoculars to guzzle in the sights).

'Why all the pig-related gifts?' I asked my 'friend'. 'Not some snide allusion to my weight, is it?' (I'd been hogging the Stella Artois a bit and I had a very slight poddy, which I was trying to offset by cunning use of shoulder pads).

'Of course not, sweetheart!' said my 'friend', all innocent and wide eyed.

That was OK, then. I believed her because she was never snide. Well, only when she was awake. And, to return the thought, the following year I sent her...

... these. Cute, aren't they?

It's 1985... how about some piggin' aerobics?

And we also had the mid-1980s 'Pig Tales' piggies by George Good - pictured above are 'Hogwash' and 'No Pain, No Gain' from 1986. Adorable!

And also from 1986 clap your little trotters for this Marks and Spencer cruet set!

Enough of anthropomorphic pigs! What about pig pigs? Well, if you liked the plain old natural farmyard variety, the 1980s catered for you too. Take a snout at the 1988 lovely below. 

So real!

Oh my gawd - my room looked like a pig sty!

And then there was an ordinary pig doing extraordinary things. Yes, the NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL MUSIC pig! Proudly starring on my bedroom wall in the mid-1980s, the pig also appeared on several NOW album covers, but probably the height of its career came in late 1984 when it starred in the nude centrefold below. Well, I ask you!

Pig fans across the land grunted in delight back in the Style Decade, but one young pal of mine recently called it 'disturbing'. The 21st Century, eh? What a bore!

Pig fans didn't exactly have a lean time of it in the 1990s either - remember the Piggin' ornaments?

But, when it comes to the oinky ones, the 1980s truly had the competition beat!

Coronation Street 1987 - And 1989... Phyllis Pearce The Material Girl And The New Side To The Street...

If only soaps were still like they were in Phyllis's day...

Faced with entirely uninterested Mr Sugden, Phyllis was undaunted. Come on, Percy, pucker up!

Our Phyllis was no quitter. She pursued her man for over a decade.

We've enjoyed a few glimpses of ITV 3's Classic Coronation Street recently, which has been reliving each episode of the Street from 1986 onwards. The strand has just reached 1989, which promises to be a corking year with the Alan Bradley story, the death of Brian Tilsley, Jack and Vera Duckworth's stone cladding, and the building of a whole new side of the Street as Baldwin's factory and the community centre are demolished and the new houses, shops and industrial units go up.

The production team teased us with blink-and-you'd-miss-them glimpses of the new development as time went on - and below we see what would become Audrey's hairdressing salon in the episode broadcast on 11 December 1989.

Also in that episode was a great favourite of ours - the legendary Phyllis Pearce, played by the legendary Jill Summers. What a fantastic blue rinser Phyllis was - never giving up on getting Percy Sugden to appreciate her charms, always ready with advice, a bit sad about the loss of her salad days, but still a very positive and young-at-heart character.

We loved her.

We have a feeling Phyllis would be as disappointed in modern day soaps, with their constant serial killers, explosions and excessive violence, as we are.

Phyllis did enjoy the occasional grumble about the youth of the day, but at heart she was very much a modern girl of the 1980s - in fact a material girl, and she and Alf Roberts's shopping-loving wife Audrey (Sue Nicholls) were happy to present their credentials on the 1987 TV show 'The Funny Side', as backing 'singers' for Bucks Fizz star Cheryl Baker's performance of the Madonna hit.

Cos the boy with the cold hard cash is always Mr Right...

Flippin' 'eck - there's Judith Jacobs - Carmel from Walford - showing unexpected musical talent and proving that even the EastEnders could have fun in 1987...

Good grief, and here's Archie Brooks from Emmerdale Farm, James Wilmot Brown from EastEnders, and Bobby Grant and Matty Nolan from Brookside getting in on the act!

And our Cheryl's Mr Right in those days of success-seeking glitz and glamour? Kevin Kennedy's Curly Watts, of course! Who else!

Who needs Pepsi and Shirlie?

1987 - The Colbys, Fallon, And A Flying Saucer

We've written about Fallon and the flying saucer before, but the subject returns to our minds periodically...

Poor old Fallon. Just what was it with her? There she was in Dynasty, a sort of female equivalent of Falcon Crest's Lance Cumson, a spoilt rich playgirl, played by Pamela Sue Martin. This '80s role shocked us as we were used to Pamela Sue as good old Nancy Drew in the '70s revival of the tales of that worthy young mystery investigator. Hurrah for Nancy!

But thoroughly '80s Fallon was not into investigating mysteries. Oh no. She was into investigating men. If you know wot I mean (nudge, nudge!).

But then Fallon morphed into actress Emma Samms - only Emma Samms's Fallon thought she was Randall Adams and was altogether a sweeter girly than before, even when she finally discovered she was really Fallon.

If you know wot I mean. If you've lost the plot, don't worry - so had the writers...

By then Randall/Fallon had moved on from Denver and the Carringtons to California and the Colbys.

Fallon gets a dislocated shoulder pad on spotting the craft from another galaxy.

EEEK!!!

Of course, The Colbys, the even-richer-than-rich Dynasty spin-off wasn't doing that well. But was a flying saucer really necessary? 

In her great book Soap Box (1988), journalist Hilary Kingsley gave some insights into why it happened:

Its writer, Robert Pollock, told me later that the idea had been that of co-producer Richard Shapiro. 'Apparently Richard had had a dream. He was tremendously excited. At the time the novel Communion was a smash hit. The supernatural was being discussed over dinner-parties everywhere. I couldn't discourage him. I was very worried about our writing ourselves into a corner. How would we get Fallon back? Richard said: "We'll worry about that next season." The scene was not received with enormous enthusiasm, as I expected. It will never be done again.'

So, that was it. How a legendary loopy 1980s American soap storyline came about. And the end of The Colbys.

Of course, Fallon was back on Earth in time for the next season of Dynasty.

Ms Kingsley in 1988 again:

When Fallon and Jeff returned to 'Dynasty' for the series this year, Fallon's time was explained as another of her 'turns', an out-of-body experience. The aliens' spacecraft smelt of cinnamon, she said. 'Were they baking?' Jeff asked. The poor man's disbelief became grounds for another divorce.

I don't believe that 'out-of-body' tripe. Nope. Viewers saw the flying saucer too, and the episode wasn't shot as if from Fallon's point of view (as it should have been if she was in a delusional state), so I reckon she was definitely whooshed away by ET's. You never know wot's gonna happen on dark nights like that, do you?

Such auspicious moments in our cultural history often lead to the question: 'Where were you when...?' Well, when Fallon got whipped away by the aliens I was in the bath, preparing for another night of wild excess at Tracy's Nite Spot.

Read all about it here.

I went to Tracy's Nite Spot. Fallon went...?