Some More 1980s Highs - Gritty Neighbours, Sir Alec Jeffreys, The Trap Door And More...

We've got the lovely Anita Dobson - Angie from EastEnders, Rear of the Year 1987, no less - to welcome you back to your pick of what made the 1980s so swingorilliantly wicked! Thanks so much for your comments. We start off with a return to Ramsay Street with Beth P:

I recall Neighbours being huge when I was at school and my older sister scoffing at it. She called it ‘trite’ because she preferred Brookside and EastEnders. And then when Daphne died in a car crash caused by joy riders and Des went to pieces, his mother had a breakdown and Mike nearly went to prison trying to avenge Daph’s death, my sister cried over the episodes and said it was one of the strongest, bleakest soap stories she’d ever seen. 1 up to Neighbours!

I had a bit of a fixation with Den and Angie in EastEnders but on the whole I preferred Neighbours because it had more people doing everyday things that I could identify with – like popping in for a cup of tea and a good natter. EastEnders was just determined to be miserable all the time.

Yes, quite right. Much as I loved 'Enders back then, I didn't know any neighbourhood THAT flippin' miserable - and there were some real dives round my way. I lived in one.

Farewell, sweet Daphne! It was a strong and harrowing storyline for Neighbours, with a terrible aftermath.

Continuing the Australian soaps theme, Carl says:

I couldn't stick Sons & Daughters. And when we got our first VCR I had to sit through it 5 nights a week.

Strewth mate, shush! You'll upset Beryl. Oh no! Too late!

Well, moving quickly on, Spinderella Q says:

The biggie for me from the 80’s was falling in love with Jordan from New Kids On The Block in 1989. I was 8.

Nice lad. Plenty of product in the hair to give it that distinctive 1980s "smart-but-messed-up" look and the jacket is fabulous - dressy, but not overstated. Well, not by 1989 standards, that is. The lad should go far.

Chris reminds us of a forgotten gem:

What about “DON’T YOU OPEN THAT TRAPDOOR – COS THERE’S SOMETHING DOWN THERE!”

WONDERFUL! Dear old Berk and co - and voiced by fabulous Willie Rushton. We have only one thing to say: Globits!

Returning to the soaps, an English one this time, and Laura says:

I loved it when Ken and Deirdre in Coronation Street rowed in the '80s. He was kind of plank like, and she really went over the top.

We don't know what you mean, Laura. Ooh heck...

... perhaps we do... mind you, Ken looks a bit more 'Sugar Plum Fairy' than 'plank' to us...

Some who weren't around in the 1980s wish they were - like Harry:

I love the 1980s although I wasn’t born. Things like the first commercial computer mouse, the first version of Windows, the ZX Spectrum, Pac-Man, Sir Alec Jeffreys discovering DNA fingerprinting and Sir Tim Berners-Lee inventing the World Wide Web make it all seem so exciting. And they found the Titanic. And I love all the music and fashions.

You have excellent taste, my lad. And, if you haven't already, you must check out the fabulous Thompson Twins with my fave '80s popstrel Alannah Currie on You Tube or somewhere. Simply great.

Oh, Alannah, Alannah! Be still my fluttering heart! I adored Ms Currie back in the day.

Please keep the comments coming. Who knows what the future holds? As Sir Alec Jeffreys who stumbled upon DNA fingerprinting in 1984, said in recent years: 

‘If someone had told me in 1980, “Alec, go away and figure out a way of identifying people with DNA,” I would have sat there looking very stupid and got nowhere at all.’

Keep hopeful and happy if you can! xxx

Spitting Image: Nick George - The Man Who Gave Us Nouvelle Cuisine Du DHSS

It's always a pleasure to get e-mails up here at '80s Actual Towers. We don't get many, but we treasure those we do get.

Recently, we had a corker from Nick George, regarding our post on Spitting Image, must-watch TV for us in the mid-to-late 1980s (let's face it, its "more peas, dear?" subject matter in the 1990s didn't really have the same appeal).

Nick wrote:

Hi,

Way back in 1984 I was working as a very junior art director at an ad agency in London. I did an ad for Lego, it was photographed by a guy who had worked with Fluck and Law.

The photographer and I got on well. He introduced me to John Lloyd, the Spitting Image producer.

They were putting a book together.

I contributed a bunch of ideas, one of them got into the book though I didn't write the text I did title it:

Nouvelle Cuisine Du DHSS.

Over thirty years later it was pleasing to find a scan of that page on your blog. So, thanks, I don't have that book any more.

Trivia: the photographer also shot the model of Prince Andrew for the Spitting Image book.

The pic, attached, caused the book publishers, Faber and Faber, to lose their royal warrant.

London, eh.

Best regards,

Nick

And here we have it - Prince Andrew, in all his latex glory! '80s humour still floats my boat, although many "sensitive" 21st Century souls I know flinch at it. But then they also have an attack of the vapours and write outraged letters on Digital Spy if somebody so much as drags on an e-cigarette in their vicinity (whilst quite happily gumming up the atmosphere by undertaking walking or bussing distance "jaunts" in their broom brooms).

It's our considered opinion that the prissy 21st Century needs to do a bit of manning and womaning up.

The shape of things (then) to come - 31st December, 1983 - a preview of Spitting Image. And isn't that Mr President (gasp!). God bless America!

Anyway, back to subject. We wrote to Nick George to ask if he'd mind us publishing his email, and received a reply containing another goodie - the Lego Arthur Scargill pic at the bottom of this post.

Many thanks to Nick. His second e-mail, which also contains a link to a Spitting Image site, is included below.

Hello Andrew, glad you appreciated my memories. Please, publish the contents of my mail to you, I have no problem with that.

The photographer was John Lawrence-Jones. He had shot a Lego trade ad for me. Attached here, it shows Arthur Scargill, at the height of the contentious miners strike.

More background on Spitting Image here: http://www.we-heart.com/2014/03/31/spitting-image-from-start-to-finish/ 

Includes the infamous Randy Andy pic.

John also shot the Luck and Flaw Treasure Island book, a couple of years prior.

Really like your site. keep at it.

all best

cheers now.

Nick

Thanks again to Nick.

Howard and Hilda talk '80s

Howard and Hilda Hughes in the 1980s.

We asked Howard and Hilda Hughes, two of the stars of that searing 1980s suburban life documentary series Ever Decreasing Circles (1984-1989) what they thought of the decade...

Hilda: "Well, I was in the Wrens back then (giggles). I think I quite liked Lonnie Donegan."

'80s Actual: "That was the 1950s, actually."

Howard: "Oh dear, Hilda (laughs), you got it a bit wrong there old girl!"

Hilda: "Yes, I did, Howard!" Laughs as well. "The 1980s... we decorated the Polly Wally Doodle room I seem to recall..."

Howard: "Yes, we did, Hilda. A lovely shade of pastel pink."

Hilda: "Yes! Oh, that was lovely, Howard. And we had all that trouble with the buddleia ."

Howard: "That's right, dear. It got a bit out of control, didn't it?" (Laughs)

Hilda: "It did, Howard!" (laughs too.) "Wasn't that when we made our basketwork Neddy?"

Howard: "It was Hilda. I think we should try working in basket again."

Hilda: "Yes, it was fun, wasn't it?"

'80s Actual: "That's all very interesting. But what did you think about the popular culture of the 1980s?"

Hilda: "The Shipping Forecast was very good back then."

Howard: "It was, Hilda."

Hilda: "And the rosehip syrup. I don't think it tastes the same these days."

'80s Actual: "Did you participate in the fashions of the decade? Deelyboppers? Power dressing? Shell suits?"

Hilda: "Well, I made some lovely jumpers and cardigans. Quite a lot of them were matching - Howard and I like to be matching sometimes, don't we, Howard?"

Howard: "We do, dear."

Hilda: "And I like knitwear - it keeps the draughts out. I've got a back, you see."

'80s Actual: "Er, yes... What about the political scene of the 1980s? What did you think about Reagan and Thatcher? The miners' strike? Clause 28? Perestroika and Glasnost? The Fall of the Berlin Wall and the end of the Cold War?"

Hilda: "I never discuss politics. Nasty things. Cause a lot of disagreements. My father was always very strict about that. We never do, do we, Howard?"

Howard: "Do what, dear?"

Hilda: "Discuss politics."

Howard: "No, dear."

'80s Actual: "Oh. What about the sporting scene? Botham and Becker? Lineker and Steve Davis? Zola Budd?"

Hilda: "Well, I remember that little beast at the World Cup. That "hand of God" thing. Was that when you're talking about?"

'80s Actual: "Yes, 1986."

Hilda: "Oh, well, we remember that, don't we Howard?"

Howard: "We do, dear. And I played a lot of cricket of course. And tried my hand at snooker. You could say I was something of a sportsman back then."

Hilda: "Yes! And I knitted the jumpers for the cricket team! We had that lovely wool shop in the high street back then. It's closed now of course. It's one of those coffee places now."

Howard: "Yes, it is."

'80s Actual: "What about pop music back then? Do you remember Adam and the Ants? New Order? Pet Shop Boys? Erasure?"

Howard: "No, I don't think we do, old boy. We liked Sing Something Simple though."

Hilda: "Oh, yes! We used to sing along, didn't we, Howard? Every Sunday afternoon. We always looked forward to that."

Howard: "Yes, we did, dear."

Hilda: "The neighbours must have thought we were a bit of a rowdy house when that was on. We got quite carried away at times!" (giggles).

Howard laughs.

'80s Actual (sighing): "So, is there anything else you remember from the 1980s?"

Hilda: "Well, [lowers her voice] I attacted a poltergiest. I know it was then because I kept a diary. I bought it at WH Smith's - it had a lovely pink pelican on the front cover. Hardback. I bought it because I wanted to see if there was any pattern to the supernatural activity, you see. 1989 it was."

Howard: "I don't think it was really a poltergeist, Hilda."

Hilda (getting slightly indignant): "Then how do you explain my little wooden windmill? Me predicting the Red Devil? What happened at the supermarket?"

Howard: "Don't distress yourself, Hilda. That was a long time ago."

Hilda (calming): "Yes, you're quite right, Howard. And we have a guest. I'm sorry, Howard. I'm sorry, Mr Actual."

'80s Actual: "That's fine. I think I should be going now. Thanks for answering my questions - I'll definitely feature you on the blog."

Hilda: "Would you like a nice cup of tea before you go? Rosehip syrup? A nice muffin with zero cholesterol butter perhaps and some of my homemade jam?"

Howard: "I can really recommend Hilda's cherry."

'80s Actual: "No, no, thanks - I really must go. Thanks again. It's been really..." (leaves quickly). Standing on the garden path at the front of Howard and Hilda's house, our '80s Actual "journalist" hears a voice inside the house drifting out of the open window:

Howard: "Shame we unpicked Neddy's ears, wasn't it?"

Hilda: "That was nervous tension, that was, Howard Hughes."

Howard: "Yes, it was, dear. Still, we could always fetch him down from the attic and re-basket them, couldn't we?"

Hilda (enthusiastically): "Yes, we could, Howard. That would be wonderful. And we could put him in the Polly Wally Doodle Room with the gramophone."

Howard: "And people say retirement can be boring! We've never found that, have we, Hilda?"

Hilda (giggling): "No, we most certainly have not, Howard!"

They laugh together.

Pause. Then:

Hilda: "Howard, is there such a word as 're-basket'?"

'80s Actual hastens away.

Dr Who In The 1980s: Unsettled Times For A Time Lord

In 1980, Tom Baker relinquished his role as Dr Who, although his final episode did not appear on screen until March 1981.

Interviewed in the Daily Mirror on November 5th, 1980, Tom said: 

"Finishing with Dr Who is a great emotional jolt after playing it so long, but we need these emotional jolts in our lives, they are good for us.

"The Doctor has made me quite well off and believe me there was no row with the BBC. It was strictly my decision. I have had offers from America and hopefully my next project after finishing the present 'Dr Who' series will be a 'Sherlock Holmes' film.

'The Hound of the Baskervilles', with me playing Sherlock. I like that kind of role.

"There is so much nastiness in the world, so much violence and horror I want to keep away from it, bury myself in make-believe. I don't want the horrible realities. That's why I liked 'Dr Who'. It was all fun, fun, fun."

The last Tom Baker era episode of "Dr Who" appeared on our screens on 21/3/1981.
 

WHOZAT! PETER PLAYS A SPACESHOT

From the Sun, 16/4/1981

Hats off to actor Peter Davison. He's out to prove what a big hit he will be as the new 'Dr Who'.

Peter produced a whopping new space shot yesterday as he warmed up for his new role.

He will be wearing the cricket gear when the intrepid Doctor starts a new series next January. 
 
And Peter, who first shot to fame in "All Creatures Great And Small", wants to be able to bat his way out of bother.

Chances are he won't be caught out too often. Peter, who is the youngest ever Dr Who, is a keen cricketer already.

From the Daily Mirror, 11/1/1984: 

The new Doctor Who stepped out of his Tardis yesterday looking like a walking jumble sale.

He was wearing an outfit described by the TV show's producer John Nathan-Turner as "totally tasteless."

The Doctor, alias actor Colin Baker, sported a coat of many colours and fabrics, yellow-and-black striped trousers, a floppy green polka-dot bow tie and green shoes with red spats.

Colin, who takes over as Dr Who No 6 from Peter Davison in March, said in London:
 
 "The Doctor is not a human, so he doesn't follow human trends. Hence the costume.

"Actually, I think it's smashing."

The 1980s were unsettled times for Dr Who, and the original series finally ended in 1989 with Silvester McCoy at the helm as the decade's third new Doctor.

More '80s Actual Dr Who material coming soon.

Fresh Cream Cakes. Naughty. But Nice...

Good heavens - it's Ada and Cissie scoffing a magnificent fresh cream cake, drinking tea and looking through holiday brochures...

These two, otherwise known as Les Dawson and Roy Barraclough, had me laughing for years - Ada (Les) hitching up her breast, giving her many ailments an airing and mouthing the names of various afflicted body parts and Cissie (Roy) struggling to keep the conversation genteel.

The 1980s were a good decade for Les Dawson and Roy Barraclough - with Les successfully replacing Terry Wogan as host of Blankety Blank and Roy becoming a full-time fixture in Coronation Street as Alec Gilroy.

In 1984 the two were appearing on a series of advertisements in the long-running fresh cream cakes series. Most of us were well happy. But a few people weren't...

From the Sunday Mirror, 17/6/1984:

A Real Mouthful For Les

Top bakers find comic Les Dawson's TV cream cake commercials a bit hard to swallow.

They reckon Les, dressed as a buxom housewife as he gobbles up cakes before wiping his cream-smeared face with the back of his hand, gives a "degrading" image.

Mr Tony Cavan, of the 3,000-member National Association of Master Bakers, said: "Les talks with his mouth full and cream is squelching all over the place. It is all very unpleasant."

Les commented: "I don't know why the bakers should get so crusty."


Personally, I thought the ads were excellent. See two of them below...

1984 Kit Kat Ad: "Alien Invasion, What On Earth Are We Going to Do?"

This brilliant Kit-Kat chocolate bar TV ad is entitled "Pop Band" and dates from 1984. I love it. I actually like the tune as well! Gets me tapping my feet! Similarly, I liked the sound of Not The Nine O'Clock News' 1982 ditty Nice Video, Shame About The Song ("Let's spend our honeymoon in East Berlin...") - and could quite happily have bopped around the dancefloor if a full-length version had ever reached my local nite spot!

Back to the ad: "You can't sing, you can't play, you look awful. You'll go a long way..." Sounds like me in the '80s.

Apart from the last bit (sigh).

UPDATE 21/5/12

Thanks to my readers who have provided further information about this ad. It was filmed at Wembley in 1984, the band member on the far left has "1984" emblazoned on his T-shirt, and the agent is played by actor Gavin Richards, who has featured in many television productions over the years, including EastEnders (as Terry Raymond) and 'Allo 'Allo as  Captain Alberto Bertorelli. Carol Smillie also features (second left).

The ad was beautifully done. Just look at the band: by 1984, the New Romantic scene was just about dead, although it had left its influence. The guy on the far left in the band has a modest version of the A Flock Of Seagulls quiff, with the uplifts at the side; in 1983 and 1984 Bananarama were big news and the two girls are 'nana clones, obviously happily embracing the brave new worlds of hair gel and mousse; the guy on the right is your typical trendy dude, whilst the dapper agent with the pink tie... well, need I say more? 1984 lives!

Miami Vice

Debuting in the States in 1984 and in England in early 1985, Miami Vice was an instant hit.

Duran Duran in the 1982 Rio video - note the prototype Miami Vice gear. Jacket sleeves had begun to be pushed up as a fashion trend around the turn of the decade - and the trend grew more and more prevalant as the decade got underway. Shoulder pads began to grow (courtesy of the likes of Joan Collins and, judging by this picture, John Taylor) and everyday men began to wear bright colours.

Miami Vice had pushed-up sleeves, pastel shaded clothing and obvious shoulder pads, but it also had designer stubble, docksiders with no socks, pastel painted buildings, two stylish cops called Sonny Crockett (Don Johnson) and Ricardo Tubbs (Philip Michael Thomas), a soundtrack of top-notch rock music and an alligator called Elvis...

The show's groundbreaking and highly distinctive look was created by its executive producer, Michael Mann.

Tubbs advises Crockett to cool it...

Crockett and Tubbs battled against evil Miami villains. The show had a hard edge.

And it also had some weird quirks - like Elvis, the aforementioned alligator, who shared Crockett's houseboat.

The guys worked hard, often finding their lives in danger...

... but occasionally found time for romance - and once even marriage. Crockett got hitched to a British pop star - the lovely Scot Sheena Easton.

Unfortunately, her character was quickly bumped off.

Serious about crime. Serious about style.

Crockett and Tubbs look-a-likes featured in the "Sun", July, 1985.

Here in England, Crockett and Tubbs clones abounded. Including me. Designer stubble made me look distinctly seedy - like an associate of Arthur Daley or Gilbert the alien. I was well into the "no socks" routine. Never try it with canvas shoes. Take my word for it - it's agony, rubs all the skin off your feet.

I was already into the pushed up sleeve look - and the colourful jackets were a delight, as were the exaggerated shoulders!

Miami Vice is remembered as one of the most iconic television shows of the 1980s. I'll certainly never forget the show's ultra-stylish presentation - nor the impact it had on my fashion sense! 

The "Miami Vice" theme by Jan Hammer charted here in December 1985.

A 1986 advertisement for a "Miami Vice" computer game produced by Ocean Software, Manchester, England.

"Crockett and Tubbs, the only cops to have Pierre Cardin warrant cards..."

A review of the "Miami Vice" game from "Your Computer" magazine, October 1986 and, below, a further advertisement.

Howard, Hilda And Neddy...

 

 Howard and Hilda Hughes: "You can stay in the Polly Wolly Doodle room, Ann."

Mike has written to say:

I loved reading your blog post on Only Fools And Horses - lots of details, and very concise. Also enjoyed hearing about your step father's resemblance to Trigger! Is OFAH your favourite '80s sitcom?

Thanks, Mike, glad you enjoyed the post. If our research is superior to the BBC's we usually feel happy with an article, and in the case of OFAH, despite it being a BBC production, it is. In one of the BBC articles we recently read, the BBC states that the show's creator, John Sullivan, was a used car salesman at a time when he was actually working as a plumber and... wait for it... for the BBC! LOL!

We loved Only Fools... Grandad (Lennard Pearce) was our favourite character initially (we adored his two tellies and out of stepness) but Del, Rodney, Trigger and Uncle Albert soon took a grip on our affections.

But, much as we positively worshipped Only Fools... it is not our favourite 1980s sitcom.

That honour goes to the John Esmonde and Bob Larbey-penned Ever Decreasing Circles (1984-1989), a tale of an obsessive organiser and community-minded wally in a small suburban street (sorry, I mean close!) who finds all he holds dear threatened by a suave type for whom the sun always seems to shine.

It's a forgotten masterpiece.

Ever Decreasing... was great in so many ways - not least because it gave Richard Briers a chance to prove what a great actor he is. But the rest of the cast were wonderful too and the show is a very beautiful thing which we here at '80s Actual cherish and cherish again.

157 men went to mow, went to mow a meadow...

Read our review here.

More 1980s TV Ads: "We Hope It's Chips, It's Chips!"

Ah, the bliss that was '80s TV adverts! Remember Jenny Logan and the Shake n' Vac ad? (Also remember Jenny answering questions from'80s Actual blog readers on the subject to celebrate the campaign's 30th anniversary in 2010? Look here). And what about the ecstasy and the agony of completing a Rubik's Cube and then discovering...

What about the lovely Beattie (Maureen Lipman) - "An ology?!!" - and dear Su Pollard and the singing donkeys ("Ooo makes a lovely cuppa...")?

Adverts sure stir up memories, especially when they're as memorable as these!

Ah, who could forget this one: "Will it be chips or jacket spuds? Will it be salad or frozen peas?"

Enjoy all the above mentioned and more by the miracle of YouTube below!

Terry's Chocolate Orange Famous 1980s TV Ad...

This wonderfully witty ad was clearly inspired by the 1981 film Indiana Jones & The Raiders Of The Lost Ark! One of the people who worked on the ad has since joked that the makers were worried about being sued by George Lucas, and also joked that the lava featured in the ad may have helped inspire the next Indiana Jones epic - The Temple Of Doom! The ad's director was Paul Weiland, and it first appeared on-screen around 1983. The working title of the ad was "Safe". The late actor John Ringham, also Norman Warrender in popular '80s sit com Just Good Friends, played the ad's fearless hero.

Spitting Image

Peter Fluck and Roger Law met at the Cambridge School of Art many moons ago. As time went on, the pair began producing "sculpted caricatures" for outlets such as the New York Times Sunday Magazine.

The venture was not very profitable, but then, in 1981, Fluck and Law produced caricatures of Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer for the Not The Nine O'Clock News spoof book Not The Royal Wedding.

Infamy beckoned!

From the Sunday Mirror, June 28, 1981.

"We are not amused!" said the general public, unused to such "disgusting" disrespect.

I am amazed that these sadistic caricatures of Prince Charles and Lady Diana were allowed to appear in the Sunday Mirror.

Not only were they in atrociously bad taste but they were intensely cruel as well, since the Royal couple are unable to retaliate.

I have a sense of humour, but I wouldn't put this new book in my toilet.

I found the feature quite disgusting, especially the models by Fluck and Law. Would they want models of themselves to look like this? Nor do I agree that the Not The Nine O'Clock people are the BBC's top comedy team.

I think the BBC's "top comedy team" should be mentally examined.

1981 was also the year that Martin Lambie-Nairn invited Fluck and Law to lunch. A graphic designer at London Weekend Television, Lambie-Nairn thought a political TV programme which used puppets or animation would be a good investment. He offered to front Fluck and Law the capital for a pilot episode...

Some right Royal egg cups... from the Daily Mirror's Peter Tory column, June 11, 1982:

Making sport of Prince Charles' ears is enormous fun. But members of the Royal Family who come across these items on their friends' mantlepieces might be slightly alarmed by the figure in the middle.

What would happen if the mite, depicted here by Cambridge artists Peter Fluck and Roger Law, really turned out to look so gruesome? The poor thing would probably have to spend its days locked away in a dungeon at Glamis Castle.

Daily Mirror, December 31, 1983. Looking forward to 1984 - and the debut of Spitting Image. Said Jon Blair, producer: "We hope to have a Royal spot every week, with the Queen and Margaret Thatcher discussing world affairs.

"We scan the papers every day to keep our list of characters up to date."

From the Daily Mirror, June 16, 1984.

The Queen is not amused, but Prince Phillip jokes "This is me, not one of those puppets!"

Spitting Image was incredibly anarchic by the standards of the 1980s - blood thirsty, brutal satire of a kind never seen before. It left audiences gasping with outrage - or delight. In a show filled with highlights in its heyday, Steve Nallon's voice of Mrs Thatcher still stands out in my mind. 1985 saw the publication of The Appallingly Disrespectful Spitting Image Book. On the cover, Norman Tebbit was getting a real eyeful...

Inside, Mrs Thatcher was getting to grips with the unemployment situation...

... and Nouvelle Cuisine for the disadvantaged was covered, courtesy of Tom King, Employment Minister - amongst many other delights.

The "Nouvelle Cuisine" concept had been around for a little while (although we commoners had never heard of it), and in the desperate-to-be-posh mid-80s, fancy restaurants up and down the land saw the chance to make a killing - serving up hardly anything for exorbitant prices.

The Spitting Image book puts it best:

Nouvelle cuisine is a posh and expensive way of not having very much to eat.

A rip off, pure and simple, if you ask me.

Some politicians and celebrities claimed to enjoy the "fame" of being selected to be caricatured on Spitting Image. Michael Heseltine offered to buy his puppet for £2,500 - and eventually upped his offer to £7,500. "To whom shall I may the cheque payable?" he asked.

"The Labour Party," came the reply.

Exit Mr Heseltine - in something of a strop.

Coronation Street: The Complicated Love Life Of Miss Mavis Riley

Rivalry at The Rovers and consternation at The Kabin in 1984... Victor Pendlebury (Christopher Coll), Derek Wilton (Peter Baldwin), Mavis Riley (Thelma Barlow) and Rita Fairclough (Barbara Knox).

1984 always sounds ominous to me - also being the title of George Orwell's famous novel. Did you know that Mr Orwell took several years to write the book back in the 1940s, and that it was originally to be set in 1980, and then in 1982?

The real 1984 didn't see the arrival of Big Brother - I think that today is far more like that, with the various databases (established and planned) and security cameras logging our every move - but it did see the arrival of the Apple Mac - complete with affordable computer mouse. A revolution was beginning...

The UK edition of Trivial Pursuit arrived and we went trivia bonkers. Sir Alec Jeffreys accidentally discovered DNA fingerprinting, at the University Of Leicester, England (More here). The miners fought a bitter, losing battle; Frankie Goes To Hollywood shocked the charts; the yuppie era was drawing in; V was on the telly and Do They Know It's Christmas? hit the No 1 spot. Agadoo was another chart favourite. Push pineapple, grind coffee? Hmm...

In the world of fashion, shoulder pads were getting bigger and bigger, people were streaking their hair blonde and using hair gel to very striking (or ugly, depending on your viewpoint) effect and moon boots were a must-have, as were Frankie Say T-shirts.

And, in Weatherfield, one woman agonised over the attentions of two very different men...

The love life complications of Miss Mavis Riley, reported in the News Of The World, September 16, 1984.

Having met meek-and-mild mother's boy Derek Wilton way back in 1976, Mavis Riley had developed a very diffident, on-off relationship with him. Well, when I say "relationship", I don't mean that anything improper took place, goodness me, no!

But it was more of a (kind of) romance than just a friendship.

And the Derek and Mavis "romance" flickered on, and off, until 1982. In the October of that year, Mavis met one Victor Pendlebury at an evening class, and together they penned a story which was broadcast on local radio. Of course, Mavis was nerve-stricken on the day - was the story too... er... well... earthy? she wondered. But, apart from one or two adverse comments, the local branch of civilised society did not collapse in a heap.

And then, in 1983, Victor, every inch the poetic wanderer of moor and heath, the weaver of words, the potter of pots, asked Mavis to join him in a trial marriage.

Mavis, whatever you may think, wasn't really a fuddy-duddy, despite her dithery ways. Our Miss Riley wasn't totally out of touch with the racy realities of 1980s living, wasn't a total prude - in fact, later in the decade, she was accused of being a "Jezebel" (though only by Derek). But this sort of behaviour, living with a man outside of wedlock, was certainly not for her.

Then, in 1984, Mr Wilton and Mr Pendlebury suddenly made plain their desires to make Mavis their Mrs. And Mavis was left in a hopeless state of dither. Which should she choose?

Finally, she plumped for Derek. The wedding was arranged, the church and the reception were both booked...

But on the big day the indecisive couple suddenly chickened out. Neither turned up at the church. Their feelings for each other were simply not strong enough.

We, the folks sat at home in front of the "one-eyed monster" (as my granny called the telly), were absolutely agog.

The News Of The World had leaked the non-wedding story-line, and, in September 1984, contained an interview with Thelma Barlow.

She worked in an office for years, devoting her spare time to amateur theatre.

"Then I decided the time had come to make a break and really do something about acting," she says.

"So I went off to London, as green as a cabbage."

She got a job with Joan Littlewood's Theatre Workshop, and then appeared in plays all over the country.

Thema has been a Street regular for the last 11 years.

She confesses: "I'm not at all like Mavis in real life. Someone like that would drive me mad. I admire strong, positive people, and she's the essence of indecision.

"Unlike Mavis I've long since lost my shyness.

"When you're up there on the tele in front of millions of people, you're bound to meet some of them off screen.

"If you can't stand to be hailed by total strangers you shouldn't be in the Street.

"We're friends of a huge family of viewers and we've got to accept it."

The Street's scriptwriters originally did not plan Mavis as one of the series' main characters.

"I was only supposed to be in one episode, but the character clicked and I've been fluttering over medium sherries ever since," says Thelma.

"There are some good qualities in Mavis. She sticks to her principles at all times and is starting to develop a little bit of steel...

"I can imagine masses of spinsters all over Britain watching me in the midst of all this wedding drama.

"They all obviously picture themselves in Mavis's situation and identify with her like mad.

"That's what makes the whole character of Mavis so very interesting.

"I've got a special picture in my mind of who Mavis is, and I play to it."

And she adds: "I can see me playing Mavis for a long time to come."

This was very good news because I loved Mavis myself - stand aside, Wilton and Pendelebury! And it wasn't the end of Derek and Victor as far as the story-lines were concerned either.

And when Derek proposed to Mavis again, in 1988, through the letterbox of the Kabin door, things turned out very differently...

And Mavis was a "Miss" no longer!