Bob By Merry Pottinger. Or Could It Be Lauren?

Many thanks to Lauren who e-mailed me, enclosing the picture above.

You requested and I found Bob the French bulldog as featured on Gilbert's Fridge in 1988. As you can see, it is a real painting, signed and titled by the artist himself.

Thank you so much, Lauren! It's wonderful. Though I suspect you may have had more to do with it than you say! 

Gilbert Gets It Sorted? Nope, not on this occasion. Nor Merry Pottinger. But Lauren!

Gilbert's Fridge: Calling For Bob...

Regular readers of this epic '80's work (bless you, both!) will know that I am a lover of that very 1980s celebrity Gilbert the alien. In fact, I adore Gilbert so much I have a Gilbert bendy in the bedroom and a Gilbert poster in the loo. Phil Cornwell, the man who brought Gilbert down from Drill, is plainly an English hero and the episodes of Gilbert's Fridge are something that we all want, as Victoria Wood might have said, to keep and keep again.

But is Bob a real painting or was he, like Helen Daniels's finest works in Neighbours, splurged out by somebody 'in scenery'?

But who IS 'Bob', you cry, the creepy chappie from Twin Peaks who was written into the script when the set dresser inspired David Lynch in 1989?

Well no, achuwarly. Bob was the Boston terrier or French-bulldoggie-type-doggie in the painting in the 1988 screen capture from Gilbert's Fridge above. Gilbert, posing as a frightfully posh fine art person, tried to flog him to Dieter Meier of Yello. Dieter was unimpressed and didn't seem to have a drawing room, which would obviously have been the best place to display Bob, so Gilbert gave up, having to admit that Bob was an 'ugly little blighter',

So, is Bob a real painting? According to Gilbert in 1988, Bob was painted by a chap called Merry Pottinger in 'the year 171766 or so', but knowing Gilbert that might not be quite right.

If you know if Bob is a real work of art, please drop me a line to actual80s@btinternet.com.

I imagine this plea will go unanswered, calling forlornly out into the inky blackness of the webby night - 'OOOWOOO! OOOWOO!' - with occasional breaks for a plate of Batchelor's Savoury Rice, a Bejam mini-pizza and a mug of Café Hag - but who knows!

Hoping to hear... one day...

I remain yours, in hoops...

XXXXX

Living Life '80s Style... Part 2

Returning to the theme of living life in the style of The Glorious 1980s, how about buying some lovely knitwear or sweatshirts from the decade? I mean, just look at the two examples above. What more encouragement do you need?

 Perhaps a look at this might just tip you over the edge? Mmmm, lovely, is it not?

 And I bet these 1980s beauties leave you speechless.

To help create your ... er... beautiful '80s ambiance, scatter some genuine "of-the-decade" magazines about. Here, Nik Kershaw and Paul Young serve as an authentic reminder of how wonderful hairstyles were in the mid-1980s. All together now: "Near a tree by a river there's a hole in the ground..."

Lovely Pye "Red Box" TV here - dating from 1984. It won't do HD, but you can hook it up to your DVD player and watch '80s classic telly anyway.

"You make it Neet Weet, mate!" The Weetabix skinheads debuted in March 1982 and were created by Trevor Beattie, now of fcuck fame. They were called Bixie, Brains, Crunch, Dunk and Brian (he who said "OK!") and trundled on through the rest of the 1980s, last appearing in November 1989. During that time they dropped the skinhead chic (shame!) and went for more of a hip hop look, amongst other things.

Anyway, here's a lovely Weetabix kiddies' lunchbox from the mid-1980s. Great for carrying your '80s-style lunch to work in. What will it be? Packet of hobnobs? Makings of an exotic baked potato to pop in the works microwave? Spot of nouvelle cuisine? Pot Noodle? A Birds Eye Menu Master (Birds Eye's the bird of freedom, spread your wings and fly away...").

If you must have crisps, don't go for "common as muck" cheese and onion or smoky bacon. Make sure they're sour cream and chive or ham and mustard or something. Fancy crisps are a crucial style detail if you really want to create the mid-to-late 1980s time warp effect.

Something for the wall here - download a copy of Tim Berners-Lee's original diagram of the World Wide Web from 1989, its invention year, frame it, and display it prominently. Then, when some snobby, 80s-demeaning "friend" pops in and says: "Really! I don't understand your fixation with the 1980s! Nothing at all happened!" you can gesticulate grandly at your picture and  reply: "Pah! I beg to differ, mateyboots!"

And then waggle your Gordon The Gopher puppet at said "friend" until they go home. By bringing Gordon into play, you'll have convinced your "friend" that you're a very sad case indeed, and they probably won't bother you again.

Gilbert the snotty alien was an absolute wow in 1987 on kids' TV show Get Fresh, and graduated to his own series, Gilbert's Fridge, in 1988. This pic would look splendid over the fireplace in your '80s homage home, don't you think?

This is mine - a very '80s representation of a penny farthing bicycle which I bought from quite a posh gift shop when, in August 1986, I moved from a grotty bedsit into a house which I was allowed to rent at a knock-down price. It looked great on the black ash shelving unit. Happy days! Until April 1987 when my absentee landlord decided to sell his house and I moved into another grotty bedsit.

We're not finished living life '80s style... we'll return very soon with lorry loads of pendant lights, buckets of black ash, urban hordes of up-lighters, billions of red beds, dozens of director's chairs, mountains of Miami Vice chic and a monsoon  of hair gel and mousse...

Remember that, when it comes to the 1980s, more is more...

Gilbert's Fridge

A Gilbert profile from 1988. Gilbert sez: "'Ere! I just 'ad an 'orrible thought! A dead zebra!"

Gilbert the alien came from the planet Drill and first turned up on the Millennium Dustbin - the space ship which took Get Fresh presenters Gaz Top and Charlotte Hindle (daughter of Madge Hindle, of Nearest and Dearest, Coronation Street and, more recently, Barbara) to various locations around England and the rest of the UK.

From "Look-In", May, 1987. The identity of the new "special guest presenter" is a secret. Who is he, she or it? We could never have guessed!

Surreal old Gilbert. Weird old Gilbert. Brilliant old Gilbert. Snotty old Gilbert.

Gilbert made his Get Fresh debut at the start of the second series in May 1987, and was set in motion by Michael Forte, the producer. Inspired by Fungus The Bogeyman, he contacted Fluck and Law, the Spitting Image creators, and asked them to come up with an original creation with the same capacity to endear and disgust. Original Gilbert certainly was - though his lips had come from a mould previously used for the Spitting Image Ringo Starr puppet and other Spitting Image puppets were "cannibalised" during his creation!

The responsibility for creating Gilbert's voice and personality was given to impressionist Phil Cornwell (he was told he could say what he liked, but NO swearing!), and the puppeteers were John Eccleston and Richard Coombes.

The snotty green alien was part of the new breed of non-cute TV puppets that emerged in the 1980s. Think of Gilbert's earthly cousins on Spitting Image. Think of Roland Rat. You get the idea?

Gilbert added an anarchic edge to Get Fresh, coming out with several controversial utterings. Legend has it that he once told the drummer from Aswad to "skin up", and viewers strained their ears to hear Gilbert's background babble whilst others spoke in the foreground.

Gilbert say: "Did you know that the Atlantic Ocean is over four times bigger than it is?"

Aside from all these fascinating facts and miraculous memories, three things are plain:

1) Gilbert was at the peak of his popularity in 1987, 1988 and 1989.

2) Gilbert had a very runny nose.

3) Gilbert was very original, very funny and very snotty indeed.

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The "TV Times" from November 1988 shown in the illustration, as well as featuring Gilbert, also lists two children's shows which began in 1981 - "Button Moon" (note the picture of Tina, Mr Spoon and Egbert) and "Dangermouse".

In "Sons and Daughters", Beryl Palmer was searching for her double, a woman called Ruby Hawkins (both parts were played by Leila Hayes). Ruby was later murdered and Beryl posed as her to bring the killer to justice.

Another Aussie soap, "Richmond Hill", was showing at 2pm, and "Jimmy's" (7pm), the documentary set in St James' University Hospital, Leeds, had come to the final episode of its present run - it was described in the "TV Times" as "the series which proves that real life is far more gripping than fiction."

In 1988, Gilbert spun off from Get Fresh into his own series, Gilbert's Fridge. Around the World Wide Web, Gilbert's Fridge is sometimes listed as being first broadcast in 1989 - but the TV Times page shown above, dated November 1988, places the series in its rightful year.

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1988 - Gilbert in reflective mood.

Kim Wilde, she of "Kids In America" and "You Came" fame, finds Gilbert's talents as an agent somewhat lacking: "Mrs Huxtable from Cheadle Hulme has offered us a seventeen night deal in her larder. Now, I haven't confirmed this yet, Kim, 'cos I wasn't sure if you were confident about filling the larder..."

In a viewers' question-and-answer session with Phil Cornwell on BBC Online a few years ago, the subject of Gilbert cropped up twice. Phil told us that Gilbert was now retired and living in a small box - "in Scarborough or somewhere like that", and that he and Gilbert were still the greatest of friends and loved each other very much.

Of Gilbert's attitude to celebrities appearing on the show, Phil said:

"I was basically given carte blanche and I was told I could say what I liked. I made it up as I went along. I have very fond memories of having a go at pop stars of the day and trying my best to puncture a few egos. Somebody should have punctured mine!"

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One of my favourite "Fridge" scenarios - Dieter Meier (Yello, "The Race") visits Gilbert, the incredibly posh art dealer, who tries to sell him a painting called "Bob" - "painted by a chap called Merry Pottinger in the year 171766 or so..."

Sandi Toksvig and Gilbert take to the open road...

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In Gilbert's Fridge, as well as celebrity guests and bizarre sketches, there was a song, the theme tune to a featured (and absolutely heart rending) saga of POW life in World War Two, called How Far To Hitchin? It went something like this:

"How far to Hitchin? It's Hitchin I'm missin'...

How far to Hitchin? It's Hitchin I'm missin'...

How far to Hitchin? It's Hitchin I'm missing...

HITCHIN!"

How I remember that song!

A kids' show? Nah, I was 23 at the time and thought that Gilbert's Fridge was brilliantly weird.

I still wonder why Gilbert took a load of dead fish, including Petula and Susan, on holiday to Benidorm with him. Susan never was much fun.

Charlotte Hindle, Gilbert's old pal from Get Fresh, also appeared in the holiday sequences, coping with Gilbert's sunburn, the aroma of dead fish and an unscrupulous admirer.

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"Sunny Jolly Hols" - Gilbert writes a postcard to Charlotte's parents.

"Gilbert's Guide To Life", 1988 - including the lowdown on "The White Stuff" - milk.

"Tapes 'N' Tales" - Gilbert treasure from 1989. This comic came with an audio cassette of "Gilbert Gets It Sorted", read by Phil Cornwell in character as Gilbert. After a short burst of a very weird version of "The Girl From Ipanema" (played on what sounds like a fairground organ), Gilbert takes us back to a day much like today "only plumper..."

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A rare piece of Gilbert merchandising - the Bendy toy of 1989.

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Yes, it's "Giz The Dosh" with your host MARMADUKE SMARMY! Other tasty treats in the "Fridge" included David Bottlesock On The Network, Gadgie in rainy bedsit land ("You can always dream...") and "What's Your Problem, Chummy?" ("Yours in hoops...")

Oddly enough, I found myself really liking, even caring about Gilbert - who was basically a weird, green con artist. And, even more basically, a puppet.

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Sometimes telly can be genius. It doesn't happen often, but when it does it's good to recognise that fact.

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Gilbert, oh hugely snotty one, I take me hat off to yer!

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Remember Nifty and the chaps?